“Upon this a question arises; whether it is better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? One should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved.” – Niccolo Machiavelli
In Machiavelli’s famous book The Prince, he explored the topic of being loved or being feared in the context of politicians and rulers of nations. Machiavelli concluded if only given one choice, it was better to be feared. He also offered some simple piece of advice: you can’t control other people’s emotions or behavior, you can only control your own, so base your administration on what you can control.
First-Time Managers Fall into a Trap
In my experience, when new managers take the reins, they generally lean into leading one of two ways: By Love or Fear.
Is one better than the other? Or should you take another approach entirely?
Let’s explore.
The “Being Loved” Approach
Most new managers try to build consensus and develop friendly relationships with their employees because they believe that being loved by their team will yield loyalty and bring with it great results. These managers ask questions, start conversations, proactively solicit feedback and ideas for improvement. And while all positive traits in their own right, if done simply to gain admiration, the manager will ultimately be in a tough position as it relates to making decisions that go against the team’s opinions.
Other managers simply become too chummy with their staff and are often afraid to pull rank for fear they’ll fall out of grace with their team and damage camaraderie if they’re too tough. “So many leaders, supervisors, and bosses suffer from a nice-guy conflict,” says Bruce Tulgand, author of It’s Okay to Be the Boss: The Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Manager Your Employees Need. “Managers are afraid that people will think they’re a jerk.”
Leading with Fear
Managers who choose to lead with fear, hope to scare their staff into submission and get them to do things without asking questions. These folks are the classic do-as-I-say-or-else kinds of bosses. They “inspire” their teams to act simply because those employees feel as though they are always one slip-up away from being fired.
No doubt, fear will get people to do things! But I’m of the belief that employees won’t reach their full potential, or go above and beyond if they are in environments that consists mostly of fear. They’ll worry so much about messing up that they won’t demonstrate the emotional fortitude to come forth with new ideas or invest in their professional development.
If leading by fear is your game, then perhaps you’re in the wrong industry 😉
Enter The Respected Leader
There is a third option – a kind of leader that lies between the Feared Leader and the Loved Leader – I call it the Respected Leader.
The Respected Leader:
- Leads by example
- Commands admiration by setting clear direction along with high standards and expectations
- Has no tolerance for team members who undermine others, can’t play along with team members, or refuses to help meet goals and objectives
- Cares for team members by understanding that humans mess up from time to time; uses those times as learning opportunities
- Is humbled and doesn’t take themselves too seriously
- Takes the time to listen, but acts decisively when making decisions and handling troubled employee matters
The Respected leader is one who gets their team to accomplish great things with a combination of admiration and high expectations; with the goal of constant productivity and organizational improvement.
No Matter What, It Will Always Be Challenging
When you’re a manager and leader, hard decisions and challenges come with the territory. But when your team truly respects you, support follows, making your job somewhat easier and quit frankly more enjoyable.
Like many things in life, it’s usually never a zero-sum game. You really don’t need to choose between leading by love or fear. Know the pros and cons for each as touched upon in this article, and develop your own style of leadership. In the end, your success will be dependent on your ability to get others to accomplish great things.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Michael Iacona has 20+ years’ cross-industry experience within large multinational companies, works with start-ups and earned dual Masters degrees – an MBA from Columbia Business School and an MS in Information Systems from Pace University. Having built, led and managed small and large teams, Michael continual evolves his management style. He leads by example and fosters open communication and enjoys coaching team members, capitalizing on their unique talents.
